Another 5 Types of Tourists You Will Inevitably Meet in Turks & Caicos
We’re back for another round of naming and shaming our favourite kinds of tourists!
1. The Wishful Fisherman
This tourist books a fishing charter and makes sure to be decked out head-to-toe in Guy Harvey and Pelagic gear. They claim to be a primo fisherman and certainly dress the part… but they can’t land a fish to save their life. After some red-faced huffing and fruitless but frantic reeling, the tourist passes the rod over to a crewmember and asks them to reel in the fish instead. This doesn’t dissuade the overly ambitious tourist from posing for a photo with a big fish after the charter and posting it on social media, though — they even throw in a caption like “Landed a big boy today!”
2. The Instagram “Model” What does this tourist do for a living? Um, good question. They pose? On Instagram? And somehow get money for it?? It’s all a mystery to me, but somehow these “models” find people to sponsor them and send them on vacation to exotic locales like Turks and Caicos. The male locals invariably go crazy having these gals visit, while the women feel inexplicably bitter (myself included). Why do they have to be so perfect looking? Why do they get to just spend their lives in bikinis taking photos? WHY is my boyfriend liking her social media posts????
I LOVE to hate these girls, and I hate that all my guy friends love them. On the upside, they bring a lot of publicity to TCI and you can expect a surge of “OMG Becky this is where we have to go on our next vacay!!!!” comments on the models’ pictures.
3. The Karaoke Star
Who hasn’t been to Danny Buoys on a Tuesday or Thursday karaoke night? For some reason, my friends and I all loathe Danny Buoys but still go every. single. week. The worst part of karaoke night is, well, the karaoke.
Whether it’s a hammered group of young ladies wailing out a Pussycat Dolls song (before you go accusing me, I’ll fess up: I am guilty of being a part of this group), a disgustingly in love pair of honeymooners messing up the lyrics to a John Legend love ballad, or a 35-year-old ex frat star reliving his glory days belting out Wagon Wheel, they are all heinous singers. I have only ever seen one good karaoke performance at DB’s, and it was a 12-year-old girl singing Adele three years ago. Although the singing is terrible, the entertainment is never in short supply and it can be pretty funny (and cringeworthy) to watch the tourists singing their little hearts away.
4. The Overly Friendly Parents and Their Goofy Kids
These wholesome parents brought their kids to Turks and Caicos for a family vacation. When they spot locals their kids’ age, they have to strike up a conversation. These conversations can be pretty great, until they start pawning off their children to you.
“Oh, you’re a young person, too?! You should take my kid to hang out with your friends and show them the island from a local’s perspective!”
This can go one of two ways: the kids are either totally bland and you’d rather watch paint dry than hang out with them, or they’re completely out of control and you’d rather herd cats than be embarrassed by their sloppiness when you take them out. If you’re like my friends and me, you typically suck it up and try to show the kids a good time. Sometimes they end up being really cool and you do have a blast with them. When they turn out to be not so great, they at least make for an entertaining story after they go home.
5. The Tourist Who Wears Their Swimsuit EVERYWHERE
This tourist seems to think that just because they are on vacation on a Caribbean island, they can wear nothing but their swimsuit to absolutely anywhere. Just because you’re a five minute walk from the beach doesn’t mean us poor locals want to see you in your banana hammock at the grocery store.
Please, I just want to go about my business in peace. If you wouldn’t wear a bikini to a grocery store at home, don’t wear it to one here! Learn from my uncle who wore a speedo into IGA: you will get kicked out if you are not appropriately dressed and you won’t escape the scornful scowls from every other local whose path you cross. Have some decency and respect, folks
Did I forget to mention your favorite tourist? Do you have a funny story to add about a tourist fitting one of these stereotypes? Please share in the comments or send me a message!